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Classmate Dating Nightmare
College is an exciting place for many students, for so many reasons. For some, like me, it is a place to live independently and make my own decision everyday. Although it is a place of knowledge above all, it is also a place to meet the opposite sex, make friends and date. I, myself, was in a long-distance relationship at that time, but I saw many kinds of couples during my college years. Some couples were in long-distance relationships like I was, some were lived together; some met only once or twice in a week, and some never leaved each other’s sight except maybe for a few minutes as they took the same classes.
My nightmare with dating a classmate started and ended in high school. I came from a conservative community and went to a high school, that actually saw boys and girls mingling as a taboo. High school happens during developing time of our lives when opposite sex, dating and relationships seem new, exciting and interesting. But, I was a very serious student who took my studies very seriously. I was chosen along with a selected few to prepare for a national competitive exam, and so I had very little time for boys. But, there was a shy yet intelligent boy in the class who was infatuated with me. I guess who could say I was the first girl he really liked. He never spoke to me or did anything to indicate his feelings, except for staring at me during class (my friends told me). It was a little creepy, but very adorable at the same time.
Anyway, after months of nothing, I initiated a conversation and found out that he was a great guy. I was new to the whole dating thing and didn't really feel comfortable with the idea back then. So, I firmly told him, that we were friends. He agreed, and all was good, except in his mind; he basically assumed we were dating. After a while, he became excessively jealous, when I talked to other boys in the class and resented me for not really going along with his advances, and so he fought with me and created all kinds of hell for me in class. It actually became quite uncomfortable for me to go to class and see him everyday. I was also unfortunately sensitive back then and took everything to heart. So, I had spent and wasted a lot of time trying to subdue the animosity, which he developed towards me. We had common friends who were forced to pick sides, and that created a very gang-like environment in class. My focus on studies got side-tracked a bit and eventually had cost me a national rank.
After high school, we of course grew up and realized how immature we were for letting all the misunderstandings destroy our friendship. All is good now, and although we don’t regret anything, we often look back and think we could have avoided all the drama. I learned from that experience and never dared to date or commit to any of my classmates in college. This helped me tremendously because I got to avoid the drama and focus on what’s most important (my studies).
Spending every minute of each day with your boy/girl friend can get taxing for some. I also personally think it important to have alone time in college to grow individually. Besides, dating a classmate gets very sticky when jealousies come to play. I, however, had many friends who dated their classmates and were okay with it, but all agreed it can get very challenging at times.
Mon, 2012-01-16 16:49#2
A very good story and a
A very good story and a reminder of what not to do, when dating as a teen or young adult. There are so many other fun and less serious things for a college-aged student to do on campus with a group of boys and girls or set off on your own to explore what is near and dear to your heart. Do what you like and not getting tied down or up with a boyfriend or girlfriend might not work for many students, but like you wrote in your blog many students can handle the dating scene. Having some "me" time while going to college is a great way to remember why you're living on campus to begin with but continuing to get yourself in drama will not benefit you. Who would want to be on pins and needles, if a person has an attention-getting, jealous or irate boyfriend or girlfriend who doesn't know the meaning of "alone time?" Some students don't know how to cut the parental ties so all that unnecessary closeness is transferred onto their boyfriend or girlfriend, but it isn't your job to be their surrogate parent. That's what the Resident Adviser is for in their dorms or their counselors. :) Denia
Tue, 2012-01-17 22:20#3
Alone Time is Okay
In high school, I had a very controlling boyfriend who didn't trust me, for no-good reason, and hated when I wanted to do things with my girls or just alone. As you can bet that relationship didn't last very long. He didn't respect me or my wants. I didn't want to do anything but the things I like to do like painting, working out, and just having some alone time to read a book. He was suffocating me and after four long years I ended the relationship. I then met the love of my life. Actually, I met him while I was in my previous relationship and realized how great he was a couple of years later. He also enjoyed his free time to create music and understand the need to be alone at times. We saw each other on the weekends, and maybe an occasional weekday, but we kept thing fun for a couple of years. After we moved in together, we still gave each other space to do our own things. Now as a married couple, we still enjoy time alone or with our friends apart from each other. It's not that we don't like to be together all the time. We love each other, but there is a need to live our own lives and without it, we wouldn't enjoy our time together as much. You must have trust, or else all else will fail.
Tue, 2012-01-17 22:36#4
My husband and I used to work
My husband and I used to work together right after we got married. We were newlyweds sharing similar duties at our job. At first, it was great, but then eventually it has become somewhat strange. As any couple, we fought. We still do, but now we at least have learned how to do it right without hurting each other too much; but back in those days we were still getting to know each other at work and at home. This has become a disaster when we brought our problems to work. It is hard to pretend that nothing had happened, but there is still work to be done, so we had to see one another when we really did not feel like it, haha. I am all for cooling and venting before attempting to talk after a fight. So, I can only imagine how weird and awkward it would get sometimes if the couple is also attending the same classes. So far, my mate and I do not cross each other while studying, and I think this is the best for the relationships.
Also I never dated anyone from work or class, but I did date a guy once who was in the same sports team with me. I heard the whispers, I saw the looks. After we broke up, it has become everyone’s business, and as a relatively private person, I was not thrilled. Never again!
Wed, 2012-05-02 03:55#5
Great story! Dating a classmate is something you should carefully think of. We usually think that it is just like normal dating, but it is not really the same. I believe that there are more cons than pros when dating a classmate. The only positive thing I can think of is that you can see each other most of the time, you are with your partner even if it is class hours. But of course this is followed by the number one Con -- when both of you are inside one room, do you think you can focus on the lecture? And your relationship with your other classmates might be affected. You may soon find yourselves staying away from the class and just staying at one corner to have some "alone time" I can say that your experience is kinda normal and I am glad to know you have solved it. I also hoped that you have learned from this experience. Dating a classmate may be a hard thing to handle, but I am not saying that you should not really date a classmate. I know couples who have been classmates and they have handled the situation successfully. If you are really into the relationship, you can make it as long as you both know hot to set boundaries.
Wed, 2012-05-02 12:50#6
One thing that I hate about
One thing that I hate about dating fellow classmates and co-workers is exactly the same reason as Tomochka pointed out! Your private business becomes everybody's business - all the more so when the relationship ends. I have seen this and it has been really bad when couples from the same work place date and break - they inevitably spread the bitterness and everyone around gets unnecessarily dragged into their jealousy too! Recently one of my lab members started going out with a guy from the lab right opposite to us and after few dates they had problems about how to proceed. She wanted exclusiveness while the guy wanted to be able to still see other girls. You can guess that they quit but the girl was very hurt and could not bring to see the guy everyday in the opposite lab (with which we have very good working relationship). During some gathering of both of our labs she always says something veyr mean towards that guy which is not really warrented and unnecessary and then later on she feels bad that she overreacting. Not to say, it was not good for all of us! Also, if one wants to maintain a good reputation it is better to keep dating and work/studies separate. I am sure that everyone had heard at least one instance where one of their classmates/co-workers being caught in the gossip "he/she dated her/him , then broke and then got together with that guy/girl from that department/floor" and so on! No matter how good one is professionally this kind of things will stick and by time might be the most remembered thing about you. Having said that, I have to admit I have also seen classmates who have been together from high school and motivate, help each other and get good grades and be successful with their life..... may be it all depends on how lucky you are to find that one right person for you!
Wed, 2012-05-16 17:50#7
Oh goodness, I think that
Oh goodness, I think that everyone who has experienced it first hand understands that dating a classmate at whatever grade level is an awful decision. I think my main concern would probably be if we ever broke up would I be able to deal with seeing that person every day and dealing with the frustration of having to talk to them, and deal with the animosity that you listed above. I understand that you weren't dating that guy, but it still must have been such an awful experience. Jealousy has never been something that I dealt with well so I totally commend you're being able to do so. That must have been really difficult. I noticed that you mentioned that since that time you both have realized the error of your ways. Does that mean that you guys are friends now? How old are you/how long did it take for you to be normal again? I couldn't imagine wanting to be friends with someone that was that rude to me and cause such impositions in my life. You are a much nicer person than I am. Either way, thank you for sharing your story, although it was not the typical boy/girl in-class-and-dating story, it was definitely informative.
Thu, 2012-07-05 16:13#8
This topic brings back so
This topic brings back so many memories from my first year of college. When we started school, the whole class was acting like a team. We were young and innocent so we did not care much about dating, besides, many of the girls already had their high school boyfriends and they were not really interested in having a relationship.
After a couple of months the class started dividing into many groups. They figured out what their goals in life were and they split. In our group, two people shared a connection and it seemed to work. Their relationship did not last long because they were both very possessive and they fought a lot.
It was really weird for us because we got along well with both of them, but after their relationship ended they left our group and become loners. He was the one that quit school and she got engaged after a while. Dating is fun, but when the relationship ends, you are left with nothing and you cannot express the anger in front of everybody. When your ex is in the same class as you, you start to hate him even more. It becomes strange not only for the two of them that were involved in that relationship but also for the whole class who starts to take sides.
Whatever you do, if you are not sure the relationship will last until the end of time, do not date your classmates.